Legend of Zelda Files: King Zora

Disclaimer this is made as a parody and spoof on my beloved franchise. It is all fictional and not really related to the characters as part of there background.


Today on The Legend of Zelda Files we will be looking at the over weight king fish himself. King Zora is the proud leader of the Zora fish people who dwell in Zora's domain. Now most Zoras are sleek and beautiful King Zora is very heavy set and lazy. However since the events of Ocarina of Time the King has been working out. Now his excises is a little strange but it seems to have been effective he has dropped 100lbs since the beginning of his working out. Now he has even built up muscle mass and has quite a nice body at the moment. Now I sat down with the King in his domain.

Me: "I have to thank you for letting me met with you today and I have to say you look great."

King: "Thank you Andy I am glad you like all the progress I made with this new work out."

Me: "Well you have defiantly made progress just look at those arms. I mean do I have to buy a ticket to this gun show?"

King: "You might just have to. You know Andy if I had this body back in the day I would have stopped Ganondorf myself. Give him a good one to the face you know what I mean."

Me: "How would you have gotten into the castle if memory serves the sages built Link a rainbow bridge."

King: "Shut up Andy"

Me: "Oh yea gotcha. So can you tell me your secret?"

King: "What secret is that?"

Me: "Well your secret exercise?"

King: "Oh yes that well I guess I can. It all started when I young Link visited me and informed me that my daughter was eaten by Jabu Jabu and he needed to go see him..."

Me: "Sorry to interrupt but your not saying that the exercise is the..."

King: "Yes Andy my secret exercise is butt scooting across my seat here."

Me: "Wow really thats a surprise. How did you figure out that this was working for you?"

King: "well to be honest after we were frozen I just couldn't stay still any more and I just started scooting. Then when results started showing the rest of the Zora's started encouraging me and this is the result. Heck now I can even make a Goron shake with fear."

Me: "Well you defiantly look a lot better then you did back then."

King: "Yes well I am not to happy about my past self all of that sitting there was killing me. Now I see that my Daughter being eaten by a whale was the best thing to happen to me."

Me: "Where is the princess Ruto at may I ask?"

King: "Oh ummm shes guarding some temple in the lake I really don't know. We haven't talked to much since the whole freezing incident. I know she is safe though and its not really so much she doesn't want to its more shes the sage of water thing you know how it goes. I am very proud of her."

Me: "Well she grew up to become a very beautiful young lady. Are the rumors of her and Link being a couple true?"

King: "Well it depends on what you mean. She did give him the Zora Samphire which her mother told her to only give to the man she was going to marry. However when the little snot vanished for seven years he broke my poor daughters heart. However when she became the Sage she realized what had happened and let her anger go. I still feel like breaking his face but he did save well the world so I forgave him."

Me: "Well that was very nice of you to do."

King: "Well as king I need to be fair and just and I feel like it is my duty to forgive him."

Me: "Well sir you are truly a great example of what a monarch should be. Thank you for letting me sit down and talk to you. It has been a real honor."

King: "Your welcome Andy you are welcome here anytime."

So that was my interview with King Zora the proud ruler of the Zora people. His success is truly inspirational. Please tune in next week when our next episode of The Legend of Zelda Files airs. I am Andy Balbac and thank you for joining us.