The Legend of Zelda Files: Ooccoo and Ooccoo jr

"Welcome back to another amazing installment of The Legend of Zelda Files.  We will be looking at a very mysterious race known as the Occa.  Now not much is known about this strange race.  I am not sure if one has ever been seen by a normal person but I will get to talk to some of them named Ooccoo and Ooccoo Jr.  So join me for this huge event of tremendous proportions.  Okay there they are and ummmmmm they look weird."

Me:  "Ummm Hi are you Ooccoo?"
Ooccoo: "Why yes I am and this is my young son Ooccoo Jr"
Jr: "Hi sir"
Me: "So are you a male or female?"
Ooccoo: "Well I am a woman of corse isn't it obvious?"
Me:  "Ummmm no I have never seen one of you before and uh you look kind of odd.  So your really an ancient race of Hyrule?"
Ooccoo: "Well yes we are an ancient and powerful race who have been around for a very long time."
Me:  "How did your race come to be."
Ooccoo: "Well when a man loves a Chicken...."
Me: "Okay I have to stop you there or we will be censored.  Ummm well where dose your race live"
Ooccoo: "Well we live in the city of the sky high above Hyrule.  It is a beautiful place except when its under attack by a dragon."
Me: "A dragon how did you get rid of this Dragon?"
Ooccoo: "A young man named Link came and helped us out."
Me: "Link huh how well do you know this Link?"
Ooccoo: "Well my son and I have met him several times during his adventures."
Me: "Did you notice anything odd or violent about him?"
Ooccoo: "Well he did end the lives of many monsters that were attacking."
Me: "Mam are you sure they were attacking or were they just minding there own business and he just attacked them?"
Ooccoo: "What are you talking about?"
Me: "Link is wanted for murder and we are trying to build a case against him."
Ooccoo:  "WHAT!! Link is a hero he has fought many monsters."
Me: "Is it really fair calling them monsters they are just people or something like that.  Who were just trying to survive another day struggling just to get by who Link just happens to enter their house and then attack them with out warning. "
Jr: "My mommy and I don't like how your talking about Link I think you should go."
Me: "Fine I will be leaving but one last question....Are you just a flying head?"
Jr: "Yes mister dumb face."

"Well as you can tell that went perfectly.  I don't think I will be talking to them again but I did manage to get some information about Link.  We just need to find out who is protecting him and how we can get him for his crimes.  So join me next time for another thrilling Legend of Zleda File."

Favorite Movie of 2010

Well its finally time to tell you my favorite movie for 2010 I have been kind of slow getting this one up seeing as it should have been up on like Tuesday So Im not going to drag this out any more the best movie of 2010 is obviously not one that anyone saw coming that no one knew I liked thats right its Scott Pilgrim Vs The World.  I am sure you are all shocked I will give you a little bit of time to get over such a big shock...................OK TIME OVER!!!!!!!!!

Scott Pilgrim vs The World:
    Well to be honest I think this movie was designed for me to like it.  How couldn't I like this movie comic book styling, video game references, and the fight scenes.  How do I talk about this movie with out spoiling to much.  Ummm well I will talk about the basic story.  So lets start with the typical boy meets girl and its love at first sight well at least for Scott it is.  However there is a catch he has to defeat 6 evil ex-boyfriends and one evil ex-girlfriend. He also has to worry about his band the awesomely named Sex Bob Oms as the enter the battle of the bands.  Which this leads us into the fight scenes so meet me in the next paragraph.

    What made the fight scenes so awesome?  I would have to say all of the over flowing awesomeness they have.  What you want me to be more descriptive fine you needy Jack Wagons.  The greatest things about the fight scenes is how stylish they are.  All the colors and the special effects mixed with the awesome action.  The fight scenes look like video games like Street Fighter or other games like that.  Plus there is climax to the fights which are usually really funny and well awesome....did I mention awesome if not then AWESOME.

    Awesome awesome awesome aweso......Sorry about that my head had a glitch.  Video Game references and comic book styling were pretty big factors in this movie.  Now what do I mean by this?  Well through out the movie they have plenty of video game music and sound effects which for someone like me is very entertaining.  This really made me happy seeing as a bunch of them for Legend of Zelda games which is my favorite video game franchise in case you somehow don't know.  As for the comic book styling well the stylishness of the whole movie.  It also was pretty impressive with how it made sounds visual.  What I mean by this is there was worded sound effects like fwoosh and things like that.  It is also colors coming off of instruments and  and D's coming off the bass which sounds small but really looked cool. 

    I think the acting was also pretty good.  The characters were played well and made realistic well as realistic as this movie can be.  I know there are complaints that the characters were ass holes but thats just how people are.  Yes Knives got the shaft in the movie but she was mature enough to get over it and be ok with it.  As for the evil EXs they were awesome so very very very awesome. 

    Now I could talk about this movie and I would never do it justice.  So if you haven't seen it yet please do for me.  See this movie for the loveable kid with the broken legs you know you love.  It would make me happy pretty pretty please.  Oh and on a final note to end this movie review in the best way ever I will say this AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Best and Worst Movies of 2010 part 3 and a half

I started a list of my favorite and least favorite movies of 2010 and I gave you my second worst and second favorite movies (Predators and Kick-Ass).  It is time for my least favorite movie of the year.  However after I figured that the worst movie of the year was Legion my friend Jerod reminded me of Avatar the Last Air Bender (which sadly sucked).  So I am going to talk about both movies.  So without further ado here are the worst movies of the year.

Legion:
    Lets get into Legion a generic action movie that sucked in biblical proportions.  Now I am not going to go into to much detail on this movie but I will address its problems by starting with the story.  Now I have to say with a few tweaks this movie wouldn't be that bad.  The story as it stands has God sending angles to kill everyone on earth.  You see our main characters holding up in a diner.  The female lead is going to have a baby soon and for some reason that baby is going to save the world or some BS.  So yea it sucks but I can fix it with two changes.  Change God to Satan and Angle to Demon.  Look a crappy movie now makes more sense.  Now I know it wouldnt have won any awards but it wouldn't be total crap.  Now I do have to say it wasn't a bad action movie but with the addition of religion it made it a lot worse.  Okay enough about Legion lets talk about a tightly coiled pile of whatsit my dog leaves on the carpet.

Avatar The Last Airbender:
    My friends and I paid money to see a movie in 3D that I had been personally looked forward to.  However when the movie started we were forced to witness a movie that should have been awesome except for one name M. Night Shyamalan.  He took an amazing cartoon show and pulled down his pants and took a huge dump on it.  What I am getting at is the movie was shit. 
    So how was to story you may ask.  It was rushed and confusing I would answer.  Trying to cram an entire book of this epic cartoon into about 2 hours was impossible and stupid.  What about the acting?  Well you fancy pants cutie muffin the actors tried hard but came out wooden and boring and they couldn't pronounce anything right.  It sounds like your being nit picky.  I respond to this by saying SHUT YOUR FACE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!   How was the 3D you ask in a scard voice still shaken from me yelling at you?  3D.....3D HAHAHAHA the 3D sucked so bad that you didn't even notice it.  I will say the fighting was cool and the inclusion of Aasif Mandvi was awesome (I love the Daily Show). 
    Even though this movie sucked so badly I don't want you to look down on the cartoon.  Avatar the Last Airbender was well animated, well written, and was filled with awesome action and acting.  It never took itself to seriously but when it had to it was serious.  However it was a ton of fun to watch and I wish it was on tv more. 
    So those are my least favorite movies of 2010.  They suck so very badly like a tornado that was crapped on.  So one pointer of each movie.
#1: No more God destroying the world unless its the Noah story. 
#2:  No M. Night Shyamalan stay away from thing I enjoy.  Make Cooked Carrots the Movie or something.  Okay well I ranted enough bye 

Best and Worst Movies of 2010 part 2

Last night I posted the first part of best and worst movies of 2010.  Now these movies were more like my favorite and my least favorite movies.  Also I should add that I am not a movie critic and I don't have the great insight into the world of movies.  I am just an opinionated guy who thinks people actually care about what I think.  So anyway I for this one I am going to talk about my second favorite movie of 2010.


Kick-Ass

Most people who know me know I love this movie and who could blame me.  Okay somepeople might disagree and say this isn't that good of a movie but I say SHUT UP STUPID!!!!  Now that I got that out of the way I am going to break down why I love this movie.  Its almost the opposite of why I hated Predators the movie had great characters, great story, and amazing action sequences. 


Its time to start talking characters and of course we should start with the main character Dave Lizwski or Kick-Ass.  Now why did I like Dave?  It is because I could relate to him.  He was a comic geek who loves super heroes and actually wants to become one.  Now I know that sounds kind of dumb but I have always wanted to have super powers.  Like every normal teenager he makes a super hero outfit and goes out to fight crime.  This ends about as well as you think and he gets very much hurt giving him nerve damage that allows him to not feel pain and makes Kick-Ass work.  However like any random super hero with out any super powers he sucks.  So Kick-Ass is like every awkward teen wanting to be special and in love with a girl who is way out of his league.  


We just met our hero so now let us look at the Villain who goes by the name of Frank D'Amico.  He is one of the most realistic villains ever he isn't trying to take over the world (OF COURSE) Frank is just a drug lord.  That is it something that real people do and yea he is evil in a normal way.  I also think he is played excellently by Mark Strong.

Now there are two other great characters that really made this movie Hit Girl and Big Daddy.  These two or trained killers who are experts at what they do.  The biggest catch is that Hit Girl is an 11 year old girl.  She is the most unrealistic character in the movie but also the most entertaining.  You see this young girl kicking grown men across a room.  Is it really possible no but is it awesome yes.  As for Big Daddy he is a former cop who knows how to kill and will do it very awesomely.  Now Big Daddy was played by Nicolas Cage in probably one of his best performances.


As far as the story goes I mentioned the jist of it already.  Teenager becomes a super hero and gets in the way of the Frank which causes Mr. D'Amico to get really really mad.  As Big Daddy and Hit Girl plans to take Frank down so they can have some revenge.  Which I think flows nicely into the action sequences which I have to saw are awesome to the power of awesome.  The fight scenes with Hit Girl and Big Daddy are incredible as well as incredibly violent.  Which all boils down to a terrifying torture sequence which sends a pissed off Hit Girl after Frank with the help of Kick-Ass.  The battle that follows is so much fun and exciting that I love it.  It also ends in the most satisfying deaths in history.  


So in a nutshell that is Kick-Ass in all of its violent glory.  The amazing characters that are played perfectly.  The story is great and so is the action sequences.  So that is my second favorite movie of 2010.  Now join me next time for the my least favorite movie of 2010. 

Best and Worst Movies of 2010 part 1

Okay everyone seems to be making lists about the best and the worst movies of the year.  Now I am not going to make some long list just four movies. The two best and the two worst.  So let me beguine by saying that I can be pretty picky when it comes to movies that I like and don't like.  I will pick movies apart making them worse then they really are.  So I will not only list the movies but I will also explain why I either like or dislike it.  ok so lets start with the second worst movie.




Second Worst: Pr editors.


Now this wasn't a terrible movie but it was no where near good for me.  It had a bad story, terrible characters,  it was filled with the worst action movie cliches, and Adrian Brody.  I mean this was one of the most predictable movies I have ever seen.  It seemed the only cliche it didn't have was the black guy didn't die first.  Instead it was a Mexican guy to die first.  It had the crazy survivor, the predictable order of how people died, and even a samurai showdown (which was awesome but still cliched)


Now about the characters I can't even express how much I hated the majority of them.  There were two characters that I actually liked but for all of the wrong reasons.  The first was the Yakuza member, and the on;y reason I like him was because he didn't talk for most of the movie.  I think in the whole movie he might have talked for 2 to 3 minutes.  The other character was Topher Grace.  I didn't give a crap abiut his character I just liked him because I like Topher Grace.  His character isn't anything special its just him thats it.  However the worst character other then  Adrian Brody was this inmate who I sware was written to be the most despicable character ever.  He actually has a conversation about when he gets out of this he is going to go back and "Rape some Bitches."  I wish I was lying or trying to make some bad joke but honestly he says that and I hate him so much for it.  


So the story is just bad.  I don't mean its terrible but its just your run of the mill action movie story.  Nothing new nothing cool and nothing interesting.  Just bland blandness that I did not like at all.  Enough about the story though I want to talk about the worse part of the movie Adrian Brody.  I mean wow what a boring actor.  He is not cool he is not tough he is just a bland actor being miss casted as an action hero.  I don't know who in there right mind thought this scrawny guy with a huge nose would make a good action hero that could hold a flame to the Govenator is beyond me.  All I know is that I hated this movie and it has a lot to do with Adrian Brody.  

Now this movie wasn't terrible it just wasn't for me.  If you are a fan of the Pr editor series then I think you will like this.  However if you are not a fan then avoid it especially if you are like me and small things bug the crap out of you then this movie might not be for you.  So this was my second least favorite movie of 2010.  I should have the other three movies on my last posted in the next couple days.  I was going to do it all tonight but its already pretty late and I am tired you can just suck it BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! 

The Legend of Zelda Files: Yeta

"Well everyone it is time for a special edition of the Legend of Zelda Files.  Why is it special well because its the second one I did this week.  If you dont think that should make it special then you can SHUT UP!!!  Now as you know I just got back to updating again after recovering from a flattening and then from mental scarring from the last installment with those really hungry balls.  I am back again to actually interview someone.  So join me for this very special Christmas edition of The Legend of Zelda Files."


"Now when you think Christmas you think about family, food, Christmas Trees, and presents. I on the other hand think about Yeti. I mean what goes better with Christmas then giant white monsters.  So for this edition I decided to go talk to Yeta.  Now you may remember Yeta from Twilight Princess but what you might not know is that her husband is John J Yeto the young senator from Alaska.  What you also might not know is that she is a professional snow border/surfer.  I sat down with Yeta in the Snowpeak Mansion.

Me: "Miss Yeta thank you for speaking with me."


Yeta: "I will bite you face....I mean your welcome.  It is so good to have a member of the media in our home."


Me: "Yes well it is such a nice place."


Yeta: "Thank you.  I try to keep a clean home.....the fat fish eating slob of a monstrosity always messes it up.  I often dream about ripping out his throat."


Me: "Ummmm Yeta are you ok?"


Yeta: "Oh my yes I am just fine.......I will devour your soul!!"


Me:  "I am not so sure fine is the right word. What is with the violent talk?"


Yeta: "Oh that well that Mirror if Twilight......ummmm well because of that thing I am now possessed by a demon."


Me: "What really wow."


Yeta: "Yeah I know its kind of odd......YOUR MOTHER PLAYS THE LEGEND OF ZELDA IN HELL!!!!!!!"


Me: "Isn't that line kind of over used?"


Demon Yeta: "........Shut your (expletive deleted)  mouth!!"


Me: "Hey hey hey now settle down this is a family show."


Yeta:  "I should apologize for the demon living inside of me.  It has a potty mouth."


Me:  "So it seems well I should ask you about your time as a professional surfer."


Yeta: "Yes before we moved to Snowpeak we lived in California.  I surfed under my own label and loved every second of it.........YOU SMELL!!!"

Me: "Well that was just uncalled for evil demon I do not smell.  So normal Yeta how long have you been surfing?"

Yeta:  Well I started when I was about 5 and...................I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!!!!


Me: "Why is the demon yelling at me now.  Also I don't have a milkshake.  Well I think we have all we need."


Yeta:  "Thank you for coming it was a pleasure having you in our home."


Me:  "Thank you for having me and good luck with the whole demon thing."


Demon Yeta:  "GET THE HELL OUT OF OUR HOUSE OR I SHALL RIP OFF YOUR FLESH!!!!!"


Me:  "Okay gotta go bye."


"Well that was defiantly interesting I never interviewed a possessed person before.  I hope this won't hurt Yeto's career.  Well join us next time for another installment of the Legend of Zelda Files.  Hopefully the next one will be demon free."

The Legend of Zelda Files: Boe

"Welcome once again to a very much delayed installment of The Legend of Zelda Files.  Now I bet you are wondering why I haven't posted a new file in quite a while.  Well it all started in October when I went to talk to a  particular creature.  Now this creature ended up slamming his giant hand on me and basically squashing me.  I broke a lot of bones and spent quite a while out of action.  However I am back to spread the joyous news that is  I have a new file to post.  So sit down and get ready to learn about the mysterious little balls known as Boes."

"Now I bet you are thinking what in the name of Din is a boe well I have no idea so that will be one of my questions I will be asking.  Wait it looks like I have found some let me get a little closer.  Okay looks like we have some white and black boes here gathering around a fire.  It looks like they are huddled up for warmth.  It is such a touchingly sad site.  Wait wait it looks like they are bringing in a Goron.  Oh ummm wow its dead and it looks like (gags a little)  Th the they are eating it.  They just swarmed and consumed that thing in seconds flat.  I have never seen such brutality in something so small.  I think I should get out of here before I am the next one on the menu.  Well I say screw this interview and run away."

"Well I managed to escape safely but not with out them giving chase.  They took down everything that got in there way in seconds flat.  I have never seen anything eat like they do.  They took down two more Gorons, a herd of goats, and even a freaking Redead.  Thankfully for me I was to fast for them.  So I am Andy Balbac signing off.  See you next time on a new installment of the Legend of Zelda Files."