My Thoughts On: Metroid Other M

    I am sorry but I have to interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you a video game review.  Now I know most of you were hoping that you will be seeing "My Thoughts On: Nightcrawler"  however one of the possible three people who read this wanted me to talk about Metroid Other M.  So I gave Deadpool the day off and an extra thousand to not shoot me.  So lets look at the a very confusing games and believe me I am trying to figure out my thoughts on the game as well.  So sit tight as we talk about Other M or I will make you listen to Samus talk about a stupid Metroid Baby.  

    Okay to start things off Other M was made by Team Ninja (Ninja Giden or something.)  Now this means one thing Samus is faster, does more hand to hand combat, and has big female jiggly  parts.  Okay even though I listed it last I am going to talk about the Jiggly parts and get it out of the way fast.  Any scene that shows Samus in her Zero Suit you can plainly see that she her breasts and her "booty" (To quote one of my friends) are well big.  Bigger then they have ever been.  Now I am sure there is some strange person somewhere who thinks that is something super sexy (I can't say she doesn't look good but the size change was not needed.)  However unlike other female characters that Team Ninja have designed Samus isn't in her Zero Suit long, and her jiggly parts are not often seen (I feel like a creep even talking about this just so you know.)  That is all I am going to mention about her "updated" look.

    Now to something actually important I want to talk about her increase in speed.  I will honestly say I was happy with how fast she is.  It almost seemed like she was as I always thought she should be.  I know she is in armor which looks heavy but this is Samus the intergalactic bounty hunter who has a large amount of Bad Assitude.  I thought she should be face and be able the jump around.  I just loved running around all fast and what not.  However the control scheme did not allow the speed to be fully explored.  I will get to that later when I talk about the controls. 
 
   Now the last big Team Ninja addition is the "Hand to hand" combat.  Now Samus didn't really fight hand to hand but she did get up close and personal with the enemies.  This was also a bad ass addition but it also made Samus seem slightly ruthless.  She would often fire fully charged shots at point blank range right into enemies heads.  Now I know she didn't fight any people like that but she was still shooting things in the head.  No matter how many times I did it though it seemed cool every time I tossed a an enemy around or jumped on them and shot them in the face. 

    So thats the major Team Ninja influences that are seen in the game.  So lets look at the more technical aspects of the game and lets start with graphics.  I know graphics have never been one of Nintendo's strong points but this game is beautiful.  The graphics for this game are great some of the best I have seen on the Wii.  It looks realistic(ish) it also looks like the Prime games all of which were very good looking.  I really can't say anything bad about the graphics so I am going to end this part and move on to music.

    I really wish I could give the music the same praise that I gave the graphics.  Its not really bad it just isn't as good as other  Metroid games.  The music is trying to be more atmospheric instead of music.  However it doesn't really work at being atmospheric but that isn't all the musics fault more the level design which I will talk about next.

    The game is designed like two other Metroid games Metroid Prime 3 and Metroid Fusion.  Both games took place on a space station (Prime 3 was more then one space station but same thing.)  The game however took after Fusion over Prime 3.  Fusion and Other M are both linear games with an obvious path to follow.  The games also have a commanding officer (In fusions case it is a computer program) that Samus is receiving orders from.  The commanding officer in both games also grant you access to different weapons and upgrades as the game progresses.  Now I mentioned about the game trying to be atmospheric but failing.  I put all the blame one the level design not the music.  The music was atmospheric (not to the extent of the Prime games) however the countless hallways and tunnels that all look the same (for the most part) ruin the atmosphere.  Another thing that annoys me is pointless invisible walls.  Not really ones that are blocking your way but the ones that they try to hide on you.  Metroid games should let you explore the area around you even Fusion let you do exploring.  However this one stops you from doing that. 

    Lets move on to the game play and controls.  I am going to be honest and just say it I wish they used the Wiimote and nun-chuck because that would have taken care of all of the control problems.  This game used the Wiimote as an NES controller by turning it on its side.  This however I found was to small for my hands and just made the game play more complected.  Having to point the Wiimote at the screen to enter the first person perspective.  When in first person mode you can't move at all, but this is the only way you can fire missiles which you will do a lot.  Now if they would have just done Wiimote nun-chuck you could fire missiles and enter the first person perspective with out causing so many problems.  The Wiimote nun-chuck worked perfectly for the Metroid Prime Trilogy it would have worked perfectly here to.  Another advantage to the Wiimote nun-chuck would have been the joy stick.  Using a joy stick in this game would have fully captured Samus's speed compared to the tiny directional pad they used for this game.  Even a gamecube or classic controller would have worked better then the sideways Wiimote.  Now for games like Donkey Kong Country Returns the sideways nun-chuck looks like it would perfectly for that game but not this one. 

Spoilers!! Spoilers!!Spoilers!! Spoilers!!


    Okay it is now time to talk about the story and to me the story would have made more sense if this was before the first game not towards the end of the series (or at least before the Prime Games.)  There are just so many parts to this games story that do not make sense with its placement in the time line.  The biggest of these "Why is this happening" Moments is when Samus is facing Ridley for about the fourth time in the series (Ok three of them were Meta Ridley but its the same monster.)  Even though she has faced him before she acts like a little baby practically wetting herself from fear and seemingly killing one of her friends in her fear.  (He is later shown to have survived but still.)  This shouldn't have ever happened she is a powerful bounty hunter with a gun for an arm there is no reason she is afraid of him.  If this was first time she ever faced Ridley or anything like him then I could understand but it wasn't.  Not only this but the constant talk about the stupid baby Metroid from Super Metroid (On the Super Nintendo.)  This makes Samus all self reflective and talk a lot.  Just a bunch of exposition talking about the story of this game and Super Metroid and its really annoying.  In fact with out the stupid story or if this was just placed earlier in the time line the game would be a lot better.  Even the pee your pants scared when Ridley showed up.  All they had to do was get rid of the stupid baby and this game could have been a look back to how she was before she became the bad ass bounty hunter she is today.  Instead they kill Samus's tough character making her into a wimp.  The story is hands down the worst part of the game the stupid controls were tolerable but the story is not.  It pisses me off even now thinking about it. 

    Okay now to cheer myself up I am going to talk about the combat and items.  This was a part I really liked.  The battles were fun and even though you might fight someone over and over again the big battles were still fun.  I always felt worry when I saw that giant tree creature or the bull thing that would reflect my attacks back at me.  I also like the items used in the game I thought some were used creatively like using the grapple beam to fish (Fighting a giant lava fish monster was fun.)  Using the missile to crack the ice and then the bomb to shatter it.  I thought is was fun and creative.  Back to the commander allowing you to use the weapons and items he lets you was good but also stupid.  There is a point when Samus is slowly dying because she is walking along the bottom of a super heated volcanic area instead of being allowed to use her Veria suit which would have let her crossed safely.  Its just these stupid leaks in logic that make this system make little sense. 

    Okay so over all this game isn't a terrible game its just not a good Metroid game.  If the game took place really early in the time like I could forgive the story.  The controls are just stupid and could be done way better with any other controller setup then just the Wiimote.  The Graphics are beautiful and the music isn't bad.  The action is fast paced and fun.  The Speed just makes me happy and the hand to hand is also really cool.    If I were to score it I would have to give it a 6.5 out of 10 maybe a 7 but no higher then that.  So those are "My Thoughts On" Metroid Other M.  

My Thoughts On: Wolverine

    "He they hi there ho there my friendsarenios I am the fantablous (no no no no that was a stupid word I should do that again)  I am the best thing since the first thing and I go by the name of Deadpool (thats a better opening.)  Welcome to "My Thoughts On" some random super person and today we are talking about Wolverine.  Now let me tell you me and Wolve go way back but it does my heart (I think I have one of those anyway) good to see him the resident Marvel Bad Ass at number eight on the list (Maybe this Wombat guy isn't as much of a loser as I thought......okay he still is a huge loser but never mind.)  So I guess he wants me to tell you all why Wolverine is Awesome and such huh well I might do that or maybe I might make fun of him....or both"

"So let us start with the funniest part of this whole thing......James hahahahah yes James.  Marvel's "Bad Ass"  went from an awesome name like Logan which just sounds cool to James Howlett. The name just sounds really stupid. I mean if he wanted to be cool he should have gone with a name like Wade Wilson (That name just screams manilyness.)  So James (hahaha) was born in Canada (the second coolest thing to come out of Canada)  in the early 19th century (Wow he is a lot older then he looks I wonder what kind of anti aging cream he uses.)  He has fought in most of the great wars.  World War I, World War II, The War on Terror, The War on Drugs, and War and Peace.  Some of those may not have been factual but to be honest I don't really care.  He served along side of Captain America in World War II (then again so did I....don't believe me check Cable and Deadpool issue  #45.  By the way I no longer have someone telling me when I can break the fourth wall.  Is that right Andy Mighty-Wombat Balbac thats right I know who you are.) "

    "Now I know what your thinking how does someone born in the really early 19th century life to fight through both of the World Wars.  Well if you really don't know then you probably don't know who Wolverine is and probably aren't reading this and that means I'm not really talking to anyone and I should probably shut up.....Okay on to his powers.  So yea Wolverine has a natural healing factor (Okay so mine is just modeled after his but if you make fun of me for it I will find you and you don't want to know what will happen then.)  So yes healing factor so he basically he can't die and that is how he survived so long.  He also has heightened senses like smell hearing and eyesight (Boring I know) however the cool part about his powers is the fact that he has bone claws that come out between his knuckles (Yes bone not Adamantium those come later.)  The super fancy metal was added to his bones by our good friends at the Weapon X program (Such a great band of evil butchering monsters how I love hating them.)  So now Wolverine is a indestructible killing machine and he is mad.  (This is the best part of the story)  he goes on a killing spree destroying the Weapon X facility and many of the people there (The entrails were every where, and it took the Janitor a long time to get it all cleaned up.)  So now Wolverine is the bad ass you know and love he ends up joining the X-Men (He claims he is the best at what he does, and what he does ain't nice.  I say however that I am the best at what Wolverine does.)"

    "What you might not know is the Wolverine walks around the real world as actor Hugh Jackman.  This was made obvious by him portraying Wolverine in the X-Men movies.  (Thankfully using this logic it means I am Ryan Reynolds under this mask.)  Jackman has been trying to hide this by acting as other characters in other movies and even host the Oscars (I won an Oscar once okay more stole an Oscar but I still have one.)  I am close to catching Mr. Jackman and revealing his secret to the world, however several restraining orders and the fact that I am a comic book character is holding me back (I have to put all of my faith into Ryan to get the job done for me.)"

    "Now I the great and mysterious Deadpool have gone up against Wolverine several times (Winning sometimes even.......I mean I always win ALWAYS!!!!)  Right I have to keep my thoughts under control (Chocolate Pudding.)  I guess that won't work.  Fighting Wolverine even helped me clear up some insanity with the help of Dr. Bong (But that is a story for another day.)"

    "Okay I am tired of talking about the old fur ball.  However I will keep going on my hunt of Hugh Jackman (I must not let my fictional character status stop me from my mission.)  So I am going to sign off on this "My Thoughts On" with a word of advice.  "When all else fails blow something up"  So that is all I have to say about the Mutton Chopped on named Wolverine."   

The Legend of Zelda Files: Random Target

    Welcome back as we look into another one of the "Legend of Zelda Files"  Now today we ran into a slight problem.  We were not given a subject to interview this week.  So my boss randomly picked out someone who I am going to met up with now.  However I have not been told who this individual will be.  However I was told I will be in for a surprise.  This looks like the place now.  Hummm the "Mushroom Kingdom" well this doesn't seem normal.  Well I just got a message from my boss that I am interviewing a Mr. Omb.  So lets get right into this edition of "The Legend of Zelda Files"

Me: "So Mr. Omb thank you for meeting with me on such short notice."

Mr. Omb: "Please call me Bob, and your welcome I figured this should be a good interview."

Mo: "So your Bob-Omb right?  Aren't you a character from the Mario Brothers?"

Bob-onb: "That is correct I am Bob-omb from the Mario Brothers series."

Me: "Well I mean you no disrespect but why are you on a Legend of Zelda interview series?"

Bob-omb: "Well believe it or not I was actually in a couple Legend of Zelda games."

Me: "Really I did not know that.  What games were you in?"

Bob-omb: "Well I was in  The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening as well as The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap."

Me: "That is rather interesting.  I was not aware of that. So how did you get into the Legend of Zelda games from here?"
Bob-omb:  "It is actually a pretty funny story.  I was just some a guy who was looking for work.  I had slipped my application into a couple places to look for jobs.  I ended up flipping burgers at a Burger King when I got a call from a Placement Organization saying they found a Temp Job for me.  That is how I ended up working on the Legend of Zelda games.  However I did not want to do to much because I had started getting good money from the Mario Series."

Me: "Well thats a very interesting story Bob.  I did not know thats how things worked.  So since this is the first time I have been ever been assigned to a split series case so I have to ask how do you like working on the Mario Brothers series?"

Bob-omb: "I have to say despite being a recurring villain who just blows up I have to honestly say I love doing it.      Everyone there is a lot of fun to work with especially The Mario Brothers and Bowser."

Me: "What are the Mario Brothers like?"

Bob-omb: "Well they can be kind of stuck up but they are both good guys.  I like Luigi a little better then Mario.  Him and I usually like to get together a couple times a week and just hang around for a while.  Mario however is kind of stuck up but he is a good guy.  Believe it or not Bowser is one of the nicest people around.  He often hangs out with Luigi and I when he can but he is busy a lot."

Me: "That sounds like a rather good bunch of people you have there.  So what about Princess Peach? What is she like?"

Bob-omb: "She is a compleat and total B with an itch.  Such a huge drama queen.  Constantly making stupid demands and gets upset if something does not go perfectly.  She just throws a temper tantrum."

Me: "Oh wow I was not expecting to hear that.  Is there anything surprising you can tell us about anyone else?"
Bob-omb: "Well believe it or not Gumba is one of the funniest people I have ever meet.  He is often making jokes about everything and man he is funny.  You just don't expect him to be that funny."

Me: "Interesting so would you ever consider being in another Legend of Zelda title?"

Bob-omb:  "Well it depends.  If I get an offer on a part then I might consider it.  It just depends on what I am doing with the Mario series.  I wouldn't count me out in the future, but we will just have to see what the future holds."

Me: "Well Bob thank you for meeting with me.  Before I go though what happens when you explode?"

Bob-omb:  "Well the only way I can show you is if I actually blew up."

Me: "Well I think I am willing to see this for myself.  Let me just place the camera over here so we can capture this event."

Bob-omb: "Ok be ready this might hurt a little bit."

Me: "Ok I am ready.  I will see you next time on The Legend of Zelda Files."

KABOOM!!!!!!!!!!

My Thoughts On: Gambit

"Well I guess its time for me the Great and Powerful Wizard of Deadpool. (Wait a sec that was just stupid!! Oh well.)  To review another gooddie two shoe for this "My Thought On" thing.  However I really really really don't feel like it.  I would rather go kick around some of whiney baby men then type this thing.  (I wonder if Taskmaster is busy its been a while since I kicked his tush.)   I guess I should check to see who this piece of poo (Sorry kid the Pool man has to keep it cleanish ssa tabmow diputs.)  Well let us have a look see at todays poor mook.  Today we have one Gambit.  Who the hell is he?  Wait isn't he the guy in that movie who was on screen for like 10 minutes in that Wolverine movie. (What a pile of tihs)  My first big screen appearance and they sew my mouth shut.  They destroyed a national monument when they messed with my mouth.  (I heard they locked the people who came up with that idea up in GITMO.)"

"So Gambit is ummmm southern and like to play with cards that glow purple.  I think they explode or something like that.  I think I should turn to the experts on this guy because I don't know the guy."

"I wonder if there is a X-Men wikipedia.  (They might try to tell you otherwise but I am an X-Men I had a costume and a belt with an X on it and everything.)  So lets go to google and look for some information."

"Looks like we have found a winner....x-men.wikia.com...  Now to find Gambit.  Well lets see.  Shadow Cat (She is a cute little kitty), Siryn (My Little Redheaded Irish beauty she totally digs me), Outlaw (Its that deranged chick from the juice bar I was totally going to score with),  there we are Gambit I guess we should click on the name huh......"

"Looks like this thing has a lot of stuff on the raging Cajun"

"Lets see characteristics...
Real Name: Remy Etienne LeBeau  (Ok that is a cool name but it doesn't roll off the tongue like Wade Wilson or Chimichunga )
Gender: Male (Big Deal I have been a male all of my life)
Height: 6'1" (haha I'm 6'2")
Weight: 179 lbs (What a light weight)
Eyes: Burning Red (Burning red huh I have had parts of me that burnt but not my eyes)
Hair: Brown; (He does have nice hair did I think that out loud)
Unusual Features: Burning red eyes (My whole body is an unusual feature)
Citizenship: U.S.A.  (I don't know he has one of them accents you might want to check his green card......oh wait never mind that)
Marital Status: Divorced (Most of my lovers end up dead)
Occupation: Unknown; Adventurer; formerly Professional Thief (He aint got no job what a smelly bum)
Education: No official schooling (I failed out of a bunch of schools of magic)
Place of Birth: New Orleans, Louisiana (That might be something good to know about myself)
Status:active  (What in the hell does this even mean??)
Identity: Publicly known (Hey so is mine Wade Wilson I even worked for the government I had a badge and everything)
Aliases: Death, Le Diable Blanc, formerly Robert Lord, Cajun" (I have met Death and he is nothing like her...she is much better looking and has great bone structurer)

"I know what your saying....Golly Gee Deadpool you king of awesomeness that was awfully lazy of you just copying and pasting for a wiki site.  To this I would respond with a bullet to your knee caps and tell you to shut up might also insult your mamma (So many choices so little time)"

"So what else can we find  on this mighty Wikipedia thing what about powers and abilities"
Powers
Molecular Acceleration: Remy has the power to take the potential energy stored in an object and convert it to kinetic energy thus “charging” that item with explosive results. He prefers to charge smaller objects, such as his ever-present playing cards, as the time required to charge them is greatly reduced and they are much easier for him to throw. The only real limitation to this ability is the time required to charge the object. The larger it is the more time it takes. Most charging takes place through direct skin contact.
Enhanced Agility: Gambit's ability to tap energy also grants him superhuman agility and dexterity which gives him an added edge he has used to his advantage by developing a unique acrobatic fighting style.
Static Interference: Ability to create static, because of the charged potential energy always in his body, that shields his mind from detection and intrusion by even the most powerful telepaths. The shield has the added effect of destabilizing touch based powers.
Hypnotic Charm: Ability to "charge" the kinetic energy within a person's brain, allowing a subtle influence over any sentient mind. This power allows Gambit to compel others to believe what he says and agree with anything he suggests. More powerful minds have proven immune to Gambit's charm.
Toxic Transmutation: As Death, he has the ability to convert inert materials into toxic substances; for example, transforming breathable air into poisonous gases.
Abilities
Bilingual: He is fluent in English and Cajun French.
Expert Marksman: he is profound in throwing small objects such as cards, bolas, knives, and balls with great accuracy.
Master Combatant: though not on the same level as Captain America, he is still a profound fighter often employing martial arts, street fighting, and acrobatics. He is well adept in martial arts Savate, French kickboxing, and Bojutsu, the art of using a Bo staff.

"Ok I will give Gambit some credit he has some cool powers, and skills I would kill for the ability to make things go boom just by touching them.  As well as making people agree with me I would be really easy for me to get jobs and lots of pay.  I might be able to convince that jerk T-Ray to just kill himself so I don't have to mess with him anymore.  Him and his creepy black magic powers and mind bending crap but more on him at eleven or something"

"Well I am tired of your dumb ugly faces.  So I am going to end this thing.  So I guess thanks for "My Thoughts On Gambit" (ok it was more like x-men.wikia.com's thoughts on Gambit but thats besides the point.)  Tune in next time as I lazily look at another super hero.  Same Pool time same Pool channel." 

My Thoughts On: The Green Lantern

   "Hello ladies and Jerks it is time for my first crack at this "My Thoughts On" thing a ma jig.  Oh by the way I am your friendly neighborhood Merc with the Mouth who goes by the name of Deadpool (And sometimes The Crimson Nutcase but I only let me people know call me that. Or something?)  As I said last time I was hired by some strange guy calling himself the Mighty Wombat (More like the Mighty Wom---crap I don't have a wise crack.)   Jerk face (There thats a good one) wanted me to review his top ten favorite Doo Gooders (losers mainly.)  So I guess we should start talking about whoever number ten is.  Stay tuned or I will feed you to something Nasty."

"So who is our first Feeb on the list of losers.  Lets see ummmmmmm number ten The Green Lantern.........(Looks like the Wombat is going to owe me more money for this pile of bile.)  So I really have to talk about this evil evil man.  This jerk who is trying to steal my Actor.  (He was me first HAL)  Ryan was the only man to ever be inside of m........let me rephrase that.  He was the only man who has ever played me.  (That was a close one hehe oh wait they can read this........PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE THOUGHTS IN THE PARENTHIES.)  OAKY WAIT.....thats better sorry left the caps on.  (Didn't want you inter-losers...inter-jerks....inter-web heads yea that one is better to cry because Uncle Wade was yelling at you.)  Anyhoo I am supposed to talk about him as a hero or something stupid like that."

"Now wait a second there are like thirty five thousand Green Lanterns which one am I doing again........Talking about...(What is with all of these bad word choices.)  Ohhh John Stewart.  Cool I love that Comedian.  I didn't know he was a Green Lantern (Why isn't the movie about him? Or could he just play Hal Jordan instead of Ryan.)  So the host of the Daily Show is a Green Lantern does that mean Stephen Colbert is the Flash??? (in that case why does he have Captan America's Shield.....also that would make an awesome comic book.)  Okay back to business John Stewart is the Green Lantern and he is on this list so lets talk about the loser I guess."

"John Stewart is a successful comedian and talk show host.  He works for Comedy Central (I should get a job there.)  He interviews politicians, authors, actors, actresses and other people of interest.  He is one of those smart people and has some good ideas about politics.  In his spare time he is a galactic police officer know as a Green Lantern (What a dumb name by the way.)  He is a former Marine and an architect who was selected by the Guardians  to join the Green Lantern Corps.  (The word corps makes me want to shoot something)  Stewart was trained to be the back up for Hal Jordan (I would back that guy up with a shot to the head)"

"Stewart Then joined the Justice League actually he was one of the founding member.  (Where does he find the time between taping the Daily Show.)  He even formed a little bit of a relationship with Hawk Girl (It has to be those sexy wings) but it ended when her people invaded earth and she turned out to be giving her people Earth Secrets (Naughty sexy winged lady)  Yea ummmmmmm she did a naughty thing betraying the Earthicans.  Well we kicked the Hawk peoples butt and John started dating some Super Model going by Vixen (Stupid DC getting all the Super Models.  Ok I guess Syrian and Vanessa are pretty darn Sexy as well as Typhoid Mary (Ok she would rather go kill me then anything but when I really can't die its not that bad.)  It does seem that Stewart has feelings for the Winged one.  That kid in the future that was his and hawk girls son but that doesn't matter right?"

"So that is all I have to say about John Stewart the Green Lantern.  Talk show host, comedian, architect, and former Marine.   So I guess the guy isn't all that bad I might not have to kill this Green Lantern if he is really one of my favorite comedians.  Well those are My Thoughts On the Green Lantern.  Well this is your new best friend Deadpool saying that you better keep reading these or I will find you.


Ok this is Andy here I had to read Deadpool's work before it was posted.  The Daily Show's John Stewart is not the Green Lantern's John Stewart.  Ok just making sure people knew this ok bye.  

My Thoughts On: The Super Hero Top Ten Introduction

   Well I recently posted my top ten favorite Super Heroes.  Now this will work out like my last top ten list of favorite video games.  I made the list then I will write articles about each one.  However I will not be doing them my self so let me introduce my host for my next couple top ten lists.  The Bea Arthur loving, Chimichanga saying, Mask wearing, and 4th wall breaking friendly neighbor hood Merc with the mouth.  No it's not The Killer Moth (no idea why you thought of him.)  Give a wild round of applause (or get shot in the tummy) by DEADPOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

    "Hello ladies and gentlemen and ladies (Big hello to the ladies.)  I am the Merc with the mouth and I will be here for your viewing pleasure.   I bet you are wondering why I am here.  Most of the time I would tell you its none of your bees wax and probably shoot you or something, BUT I have been told not to kill anyone while doing this.  So yea reasons I'm doing this right ummm well I was just walking down the street (singing do a diddy diddy dum diddy do)  When out of no where this guy walks up to me some Mighty Wombat guy or something.  (What a goof strange costume and a tail.  He said said it shot out a grappling hook.....note to self I have to get me one of those) 

"Do you think I would look good with a grappling hook tail....If you say no I might have to do uncomfortable things to you"

"So yes this Wombat guy asked me to to help him out with this top ten list.  Something about Super Heroes.  Now I didn't look at the list and if I am some how not on it I might have to do something.  (Okay I'm not really a Super Hero but still)  He also asked me to talk to you before hand so you mush brained bags a squishy stuff aren't scared."

"So now you might be wondering who I the Great Deadpool am.  Well I am the Merc with the mouth a gun for hire that has had many successful jobs.  I have killed many people from innocent to guilty.  If there is money you can point me and I will shoot.  That is all I am going to say about myself though because talking about myself is kind of annoying.  I would rather talk about something different.....like ummm magic.  Those ruffly shirted fancy pants wearing hot girl sawing  son of a bi.....wait I have to keep this clean ummm dweb."

"I think I am off track but that is normal.  So yeah I will be your host with the most for a while.  So stay tuned for "My Thoughts On" ok more like "That Wombat Guy's Thoughts On" His Top Ten Favorite Super Heroes." 

Next Series of My Thoughts On

Top Ten Favorite Do Gooders
#10: The Green Lantern

#9: Gambit,

#8: Wolverine

#7: Nightcralwer

#6: Colossus

#5: The Incredible Hulk

#4: Iron Man

#3: Cable

#2: Batman

#1: Spider-Man

My Thoughts on: Bender

Well everybody it is time for the end of this mini series of "My Thoughts On" about my favorite cartoon and television characters. I am going out with a bang who would probably be number one are two if I did a top ten list. In this installment we will be talking about someone who has done everything. Super Hero, Wrestler, Social hero, master thief, mental patient, Television Star, Bending unit, Ship cook, and God. That is right I am talking about Bender Bending Rodríguez from the show Futurama. Now read this and if you don't like it you can BITE MY SHINEY METAL ASS!!!!!

Now where do I start when I am talking about such a great individual? Well I think the early years of this young mechanical magic man. Bender was built in America's Heartland Mexico. He was released from the Mom's Friendly Robot Company as a defective robot and is now mortal meaning if he is destroyed then he is gone for good. Before meeting Philip J. Fry he worked as a bending unit bending girders that were being made into Suicide Booths. After finding this out he attempted to kill himself using a Suicide Booth but failed when Fry interfered. Bender and Fry became fast friends and ended up joining the Planet Express delivery crew. So now Bender, Fry, and Leela work with Professor Farnsworth and they all will go out on amazing adventures.

Now that is Bender's past so lets talk about the Robot himself. Bender is a chain smoking drunk who burps fire. He likes to cook despite the fact that he is absolutely terrible at it. Bender has a huge ego and often does things to get more attention for himself. Which is always funny because he does really strange things to get attention. He is a kleptomaniac constantly stealing things which sometimes causing him pain. Like getting "sick" after stealing a watch and slicing himself up after stealing a sword. He constantly uses fembots making up stories like being a rich Hollywood director or just lying and using them. However he still gets the girls. He even dated a couple humans including Amy Wong and Lucy Lu.

As I said before Bender is a jack of all trades. He was a Ultimate Robot Fighter known as Bender the Offender. He had a successful stint in the ring before his popularity started slipping and he was asked to change his persona to The Gender Bender and lose to Destructor. He did not want to throw the fight so he lost instead. He also had a time when he was the Super King a member of the New Justice Team. He had super strength and stretching limbs also he had the super ability to open and close the door in his chest. Him and the rest of the team fought against the Evil Zoo Keeper but after the capture of Leela's Parents the team was forced to steal for the Zoo Keeper. He also also was a Blurns Ball manager for Leela's short career. His biggest highlight was making Leela do two bean commercials making one hundred dollars and one hundred pesos each. Then his biggest job was GOD. Yes Bender was god and he was doing a pretty good job at it well until everyone died. After the people died he ended up meeting God or a computer that smashed into God. So yea Bender littery talked to God.

Now for things that Bender wishes were true. He wishes he was Napoleon, a king, a Duke, a folk singer, and a magician. When he is attacked by a magnet he will become a folk singer but will be really angry about it. He even went on ture with beck playing the "wash board" which was actually his torn up chest. He also wishes he was the greatest but I have no idea the greatest at what.

I am going to wrap this up before Bender gets upset and tries to steal my organs or something. So those are my thought on Bender the Robot of pure awesomeness. He is the King even in real live or if it is just inside his mind. Join us next time for a list of my favorite do-gooders. Not sure if it should be a top ten or just a top five. It will be hosted by a very special guest. So stay tuned to my list or I will hunt you down and do something random that is right I am talking to you the whole one or two people who might read this.

The Legend of Zelda Files: Business Scrubs

"Hello and welcome back to another installment of The Legend of Zelda Files where we take a look at the lives of characters of the Legend of Zelda series. I am your host Andy Balbac 2.0 and today I will be talking to Hyrule's premiere businessmen. That is right I will be talking to one of the many Business Scrubs that make a successful living for himself by Selling Items out in the field. I will also seek out further information about the Murder of my Predecessor as well as Mr. Wizrobe. So get you rupees ready as we talk to the Donald Trump of Deku Scrubs."

Me: "Hello Mr. Scrub thanks for sitting down with me."

Scrub: "I am a very busy man so please hurry this up."

Me: "Yes well I will try not to take to long."

Scrub: "Good because time is money and I am charging you ten rupees for every ten minutes."

Me: "Oh my well lets get into it then. How is business lately?"

Scrub: "Its doing great I over charge people for things they can find on the ground. They cough up the cash and I just go out and find more crap. Next question!"

Me: "What is your home life like?"

Scrub: "Its fine nothing much going on I come home wife has dinner on the table. Thats twenty rupees by the way."

Me: "Haha well can I ask you why you constantly spit out nuts."

Scrub: "Yea I have a tree growing inside of me the size of golf ball. It keeps spawning nuts and I have to spit them out."

Me: "Yes thats interesting"

Scrub: "Thirty rupees"

Me: Well I guess I have to end this interview because thats all the money I have."

Scrub: "Good pay me and GET OUT OF MY SHOP!!!!!!"

"Well he sure was a pain in the buttox."

???: "Come over here"

Me: "Come where I don't see you"

???: "Right here do you see me yet?"

Me: "Whoa are you just a hand and whats that smell?"

???: "Yes I am a whole person and this is a toilet."

Me: "Why the heck are you down there?"

???: "I fell in as a kid and couldn't get out"

Me: "Do you want help?"

???: "No I like it down here. The smell dosen't bother me any more and I have made my self a nice little home."
Me: "That is all kinds of disgusting. What did you want me for?"

???: "Well two things I think I can help you and you can help me."

Me: "How so?"

???: "Well I have information on your killer. But all I need in return is some paper."

Me: "Ok that sounds fair. What Information do you have?"

???: "I know who the killer is."

Me: "Ok please tell me."

???: "The thing that killed your friends is a Garo. The Garo are a group that are very Ninja like. They will often blow themselves up right before they die and the say "To Die without leaving a corpse such is the way of the Garo" That is all the information I have but I am sure it will be helpful."

Me: "Thank you I think we can use this information in our investigation. Here is your paper"

???: "Sweet and Entertainment Weekly!!"

Me: "Can I ask you one more question?"

???: "Sure what is it?"

Me: "What do you eat down there?"

???: "Trust me you do not want to know."

Me: "Yes I guess I would not. Well thank you my new friend please be careful so far everyone who has been talking about this has ended up dead or injured."

???: "Thank you for the warning I think I will be safe down here with the smell and you have no Idea what people flush down here."

Me: "I am also afraid to ask.....ok then thank you for your time please try and keep in touch. You know without actually touching me."

???: "Will do."

"Well that was defiantly an odd interview but thankfully we did get some information about our killer. Please join us again next time for another Legend of Zelda File. I feel like I need to take like five showers just to start to get the stank off of me."

My Thoughts on: Tommy Oliver

Well my TV and Cartoon character series is almost over with only two more to go and I am going out with a bang. In this article I am going to talk about the greatest Power Ranger of all time Tommy Oliver aka the Green, White, Red, Red, and Black ranger. He has been a Power Ranger in five different seasons starting in Mighty Morphing Power Rangers Season 1 and then ending in Power Rangers Dino Thunder. So lets look at Tommy Oliver and may the Power Protect you.

Well the obvious place to start the story of Tommy Oliver is at the beginning. This is when he first shows up as the evil Green Power Ranger. That is right the first time we see the GREATEST POWER RANGER EVER! He is evil. Yes I know it is sad that such a great man can be evil but he was. Thanks to the Evil Retia Repulsa. She had Tommy under an evil spell and gave him the Dragon Coin. This allowed him to morph into the powerful Green Ranger as well as the power over the Dragonzord. Tommy managed to defeat the Power Rangers multiple times as well as break into the Command Center messing with the technology and cutting Zordon off from this Dimension. The Green Ranger was the one evil person who managed to come the closest to defeating the Power Rangers by himself.

Eventually the Rangers found away to break Retia's spell and Tommy was released and convinced to join the Power Rangers. He remained the Green Ranger but all was not well in the world. The Evil Lord Zedd (aka The Emperor of Evil) entered the evil scene to do what Retia could not do. Other problems start to arise when the Green Ranger powers fade and then get distinguished forever however Tommy is not going to lose touch with the Rangers. While as a Ranger a romantic relationship between Tommy and Kimberly began to form.

Zordon and Alpha vanish for awhile to work on creating a new Ranger to help out the team. This ends with the White Ranger descending from the sky bathed in white light (This was freaking awesome to watch just saying.) The White Ranger is reviled to be Tommy and he rejoins the team in the leadership role (Since Jason the origional Red Ranger left for some Peace Conference replacing him with a less experienced Rocky.) So Tommy is now the leader of the Power Ranger. As well as more powerful then before now powering the White Tiger Zord which is massively awesome. The Tiger Zord could combine with the Mega Thunder Zord to make the awesome Mega Tigerzord. However Tommy was unable to control his Zord at first but soon figured it out like a smart little boy so you know yay him. However the Zords the Rangers had were destroyed and they had to get new powers.

So enter the White Ninja Ranger which really doesn't change anything but the Zords get cooler. Tommy gets the Falcon Zord which I have to say is rather awesome. Unlike the Tiger Zord this doesn't have its own Warrior Mode but it does have Rockets or Lasers or something out of the Wing Tips. When the Falcon Zord joins together with with the Shogun Zords it becomes the Mega Shogun Zord and it gains the ability to fly. The Falcon Zord was made to go with the Rangers Ninja Animal Zords before the Shogun Zords. The Rangers were finally able to beat Lord Zedd but a new threat shows up.

Lord Mondo of the Machine Empire shows up kicking Zedd and Retia off of the Moon. They Machine Empire is now going to try and do what Retia and Zedd failed and actually conquer Earth. There forces are to powerful and the Rangers need the power of the Zeo Crystal to become stronger. This is the Dawn of Power Rangers Zeo and Tommy goes from the White Ranger to the Red Ranger. He is captured along with Bulk and Skull and he is brain washed and is forced to combat the other rangers but is soon freed. After the Rangers themselves are enlarged to fight and destroy King Mondo we enter a dark day in Power Rangers history. This is when we "Shift Into Turbo."

Yes its Power Rangers Turbo and thankfully Tommy isn't in this season very long. So Tommy is once again the Red Power Ranger. Thankfully I don't have to talk about this one to much. Also not much happens except for the current Power Rangers graduating and then eventually going off with the rest of there lives. This is the last we see of Tommy until the Epicness that is "Forever Red" during Wild Force. This episode has every Red Ranger together fighting evil. If you haven't seen this episode then watch it now.

So Tommy has now been away from the Power Rangers long enough for him to finish collage and get a teaching job as a paleontologist. When three students discover Dino Crystals in Dr. Oliver's lab they become the new Power Rangers and Dino Thunder will roar into life. However I never saw much of this show. I do know that Tommy served as the teams mentor as well as later becoming the Black Power Ranger.

So over all Tommy was always a cool character and was always my favorite of the Power Rangers. His actor Jason David Frank went on after the show to become a mixed martial arts fighter. He still looks awesome and I would hate to be anyone who would give him crap about being on Power Rangers. So that is the story of Tommy Oliver in all of his awesomeness. Stay tuned for the conclusion of the cartoon television character series of "My Thoughts On" as we talk about Bender from Futurama. To all of you "May the Powere Protect You."

The Legend of Zelda Files: Wizrobe follow up

"Hello and welcome to this special edition of the Legend of Zelda files. As you my remember from our last installment we talked to a Mr. Wizrobe who mentioned a conspiracy to keep Link's evil actions covered up. That interview lead to Mr. Wizrobe being murdered in cold blood by a hooded figure wearing all brown. This lead to an attack on our station and the murder of my predecessor Andy Balbac. However the news was able to get out and I am here to replace Mr. Balbac. I am Andy Balbac 2.0 and you are watching the Legend of Zelda Files."

"Today we will be following up last weeks interview with some investigative reporting we will also be trying to find out who this cloaked attacker. For this we have hired a bounty hunter a people call a Dark Nut (Twilight Princess version.) Mr. Nut you have agreed to help us find our killer."

Mr. Nut: "Yes I will be. I have a team of professionals who will be helping me find and destroy this attacker. This is Fang a fellow Dark Nut (Wind Waker version.) He is skilled at tracking using his dog like head also gives him heightened senses. Then we have our enforcer The Iron Knuckle."

Iron Knuckle: "grrrrunt"

Andy: "Why you sure are a big boy aren't you?"

Iron Knuckle: "GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTT"

Mr. Nut: "If you want to keep living I think you should avoid trying to talk to him."

Andy: "I think I will take that advice Mr. Nut. So what will happen when you catch this person?"

Mr. Nut: "Well we will try to capture him but if we can't capture him then we will kill the person"

Andy: "Oh really well I do wish you luck in your quest to find this villain."

Mr. Nut: "Thank you Andy. Lets move out team."

Iron Knuckle: "GURRRRRRNNNNNNNTTTTTT"

Andy: "Well there you have it folks this killer will be tracked down and he will be caught. As for you Killer I would run because these guys are going to find you and you really better hope that the Iron Knuckle don't catch you. I think he could knock your head off with one swing."


"Since this article was posted we found out that they did run into this killer but sadly he managed to get away. Sadly Fang was injured in the fight but he will make a recovery. We do not know if or when they will catch this monster. We will keep you updated for what happens. So join us next time for a new Legend of Zelda Files."

My Thoughts on: The Tick

"Hello my good citizens I am the Tick the sworn protector of The City. The Mighty Wombat and I did a little switcheroo and I am now writing to you fine smelling people about The Tick and well to be honest I dislike that guy. He tried to steal my identity and then tried to kill me over it. I mean geash what did I ever do to him."

Random person: "whisper whisper whisper"

The Tick: "Whats that?"

Random person: "Whisper whisper whisper whisper"

The Tick: "Your saying this isn't about the Tick who owns that night club"

Random Person: "Whisper whisper whisper"

The Tick: "Ohhhh this is about me well I would be a monkey great grand father. Why thank you whoever you are. Well it looks like I have made a mistake well you know when you mess up you should take a look a the test and check that answer wrong."

Random Person: "Your strange"

The Tick: "Thank you my friend you are to. Well that was weird I wonder who that guy was well no need for thinking now my friends. Let use Hug our destiny and talk about me The Tick.

"I am going to start this talking to and about myself with an awesome intro so her I go right now going to say it."

"I am the wild blue yonder. The front line in a never-ending battle between good and not-so-good. Together with my stalwart sidekick Arthur, and the magnanimous help of some other folks I know, we form the yin to villainy's malevolent yang. Destiny has chosen us. Wicked men — you face the Tick!"

"Yes I think that sums me up quite well now there are many people who ask why I became a super hero and well I just don't know I guess I have always been one. I don't really know anything other then how to beat up super villains. When it comes to fighting villains I am the best around. I am almost invulnerable and have a great battle cry that makes the villains quake in there boots. By screaming SPOON!!!!!! I can cause the evil dooers to stop their evil ways and run in fear and smellyness."

"Now I may not be the smartest super hero in the game but I do have plenty of words to live by like this famous quote that changed many lives and may have even caused world peace. Or maybe a nun to hug a clown."

"Destiny's powerful hand has made the bed of my future, and it's up to me to lie in it. I am destined to be a superhero. To right wrongs, and to pound two-fisted justice into the hearts of evildoers everywhere. And you don't fight destiny. No sir. And, you don't eat crackers in the bed of your future, or you get all... scratchy."

"I know that one was mind blowing but there is more to come like this gem"

"Everybody was a baby once, Arthur. Oh, sure, maybe not today, or even yesterday. But once. Babies, chum: tiny, dimpled, fleshy mirrors of our us-ness, that we parents hurl into the future, like leathery footballs of hope. And you've got to get a good spiral on that baby, or evil will make an interception."

"There is also this magical number that is a philosophy on life and our connection to the world"

"I hate broccoli, and yet, in a certain sense, I am broccoli."
"Those are just some of the mighty and world changing power of my mighty words. I have seen many a person who have been changed for the better because of my mighty words and they make me fell all tingly inside to see all the good my words do."

"Now when it comes to my love life I do have one woman in my life who is very important to me. This amazing woman is name JUSTICE!!!! Yes Justice is the most important person in my life. Yes my side kick Arthur is pretty important but he is no Justice. Justice is a women who always shows love when I help her progress her goals and save some kitten from a tree thats on fire I am always one to help that kitten.

"I bet you internet people want to know some of the villains I have squashed while I have been doing my super heroeness. Well I have done battle with the worst of the best....or is it the worst of the worst.....maybe the best of the worst I don't really know. Lets just start with the evil of a man..plant...thing names El Seed."

"El Seed is truly an evil person flower thing. Ok to be honest I have no idea what he is all I know is he is bad news. El Seed is a living Mexican flower who has developed a serum to bring plants to life. One time he even dumped the stuff on me. I was sprouting plants for a long time. Trust me kids having corn in your ears feels very odd and icky. However after he made a corn army (The guy who usually writes these said that made him happy) I managed to defeat him and cure myself."

"The Breadmaster is the next weird person of evil to talk about. Him and his evil pastries really caused some problems. With his exploding or expanding bread bombs. I will say this to his credit the bread might have been evil but it did taste good. Him and his henchman Buttery Pat caused havoc all over the baking institutions of the City. He was defiantly one loaf short of a bakers dozen."

"Hummm who should I talk about next the? The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight? No no no......Dinosaur Neil? Well he isn't a super villain....The Man Eating Cow? No how about Chairface Chippendale? Yes yes that guy. Well ummmm he is defiantly evil. Kind of a mob boss I would say. Nothing really to talk about him. Rich, well educated, a schemer, wrote the first three letters of his name with laser on the moon, and he has a chair for a head. Nothing outstanding there just a well respected crook. Oh did I mention the chair for a head yes ok then no need to talk about him further."

"I guess the last villain to talk about would be the worlds greatest or worst super villain named the Terror. This man is scary to just talk about his evil deeds stretch back a century. He was friends with Joseph Stalin as well as being famous for getting in a fist fight with President Theodore Roosevelt. The Terror is currently one hundred and fifteen years old and is still as bad as ever. With his League of Evil consisting of the Man Eating Cow, The Human Ton and Handy, Stalingrad, and the evil alien Tuun-La. The terrorized the City holding the mayor hostage. I was having a bit of a break down at the time but I totally saved the day and uttered my famous catch phrase SPOON!!!!!!!!!!."

"Wow four pages well I sure can talk about myself for a long time. I guess I will have to leave you with one of my famous quotes.
"Eating kittens is just plain... plain wrong! And no-one should do it, ever!"
"I hope this look into my life has helped you straighten your lives up and get you flying right. I am The Tick and my warning to the people is this. May Evil beware and may Good dress warmly and eat plenty of fresh vegetables.